A midnight train to Georgia...or Rochester!

I received an email on Thursday from a former teacher at KnPT - the school I taught at in Thailand - informing me a previous student resettled in Rochester, NY! I couldn't conceal my excitement as joys echoed from my corner of the office. Albeit I was at work, where I was supposed to be doing work things and not obsessively checking my gmail account for something to brighten my day in a sunless office space. Elephants could be flying, Obama could be parading down 7th Ave., the old idiom "it's raining cats and dogs" could be happening and I'd be oblivious to it all.

2 years ago today I returned to the US. 2 years! It's such a privileged statement to make, but I'm here 1 year longer than I anticipated. How did this happen? What have I to show for my 2 year sojourn in NYC? Please, someone, throw another question my way. I remember watching 12 straight hours of pop culture television after my return; my thirst for a western lifestyle was unnerving but I took advantage of this privilege as the significance of the word 'choice' had new meaning.

Buffalo, Chicago, D.C. - these cities are on the list where other students are reported to be resettling too...the list grows as does the number of applicants interested in applying. I admit, I cannot hide my concerns. After speaking to students about the advantages and disadvantages of resettlement, I am anxious about their adjustment. Granted my perspective is subjective, many of the students saw my upbringing as ideal. I won't deny it, it was in a lot of ways, however freedom does have its costs. I tried as best I could to convey freedom has no competition against an individual with refugee or asylum status, however we cannot be ignorant and uninformed citizens. Living in a free country means hard work must occur as we're all held responsible and accountable for good social change. Oh right, back to my student though...

For the sake of confidentiality, I spoke with Ree Lo Friday afternoon. Her group arrived mid-March and her comment to me was, "It's cold." When one's climate of comparison is the jungle north of Mae Hong Son, it is cold. Unbearable, I think. As she spoke, I sensed a longing for her home; a need for instant familiarity. I knew she was struggling. Her family owned a shop in the camp, her face constantly lit with curiosity and hope and now, a day's flight apart, here she was removed from everything she'd ever known. Yes, she had the choice to resettle and took it, yet apprehension can still prevail. Quitting a job with fabulous co-workers, leaving a relationship despite their endearing qualities, turning in a friend for their wrong-doings - though the context of one may be more significant than the other, they share similar qualities. We're hesitant creatures by nature whom deeply connect to the idea that what's familiar is comforting; saying goodbye to anything no matter how amiss it is can be difficult.

As we approached the end of our conversation, I wondered of her appearance now amidst the cold end of winter and on the premises of a new 'home' - was she just as curious and hopeful or had the bitter winds of Rochester hardened her youthful glow? Ree Lo ended our conversation by asking me if I could call later as they were on their way to the hospital. Why? I couldn't discern. I tried, but this is one thing technology, surprisingly (and thankfully), has not managed to detect - interpreting accurate emotion and affect.

Despite landing in the US and separation from her family, I believe Ree Lo will find her own way. Wherever that may be. Although it is unknown to them, she, and the rest of the KnPT students taught me a lot about choice and strength in the face of adversity. We all have choices to make and despite their unfathomable difficulty, we are capable and confident beings. As Mr. Henley expressed, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul...". So I think, go on, whatever choices you make today make them knowing you're moving in the right direction and embrace every opportunity. Sometimes the most challenging ones offer the most rewards.

Writer's Block

I started working on my essay an hour ago and there's really no indication of progress. In fact, I think if a negative word count applied, this would be the perfect context. I'm working on writing my essay for teaching English in Korea and it's going no wheres. In fact, it hasn't been going anywhere the past 3 or 4 times I've attempted to write something. One would surmise that if the task is not going so well, maybe I should really question my intent/interest for wanting to teach English in Korea. Maybe the fact that I cannot find the words to answer the question is, in and of itself, my answer.

But it's not the answer. The past few weeks have been filled with a lot of thought revolving around where I want to take the next few months - where do I want to go? What do I want to do? With whom? They're common enough questions with hard to find answers that not even a sober evening at home with Sigur Ros offered inspiration. Somewhere though I've found motivation to move on, to focus. Yes, shocking. I hope you're still sitting steady.

So I end this here and move on to read, 'On Leaving Bachelorhood' - a short piece suggested by the instructor of the non-fiction writing class I'm taking. Week 2 is Wednesday. Let's see what I can find amongst the recommended reading and a few musings of my own.