Daejeon or Gangwon?

I started this blog with the intention that it would help me organize my thoughts and experiences about living in NYC. Writing is cathartic for me and I don't devote the time I should. Maybe I thought that through writing about my day to week to month to year engagements in the city I would in turn find clarity and even possibly home. It's not that I haven't, it's more that in the search for this peace of mind place I'd like to call home, a need to travel exists. Without happiness we would not know sadness, good would know no evil and love is unfortunately paired with a certain type of pain. I must travel to the East to know the West and understand all the points in between. It's like the blip on a radar - I'm following it to a point in which it no longer blinks.

I got Korea. Yep, the whole country! Despite the discouragement conveyed in earlier posts, I spent the last month completing the application for public school teaching positions, interviewing, getting my documents ready and sending them to the government for review. I passed the interview stage which basically secures my position in a public school. I don't actually feel guaranteed a position despite the recruiter's assurance. Yet as all the cards point in the direction of Korea, I'm slowly coming around to the idea that come August, my daily commute to work will no longer consist of the L train and sights of the Chrysler Building from my apartment window will be replaced. I should have more details and confirmation in a week or two about where I'll live.

It's strange. I've wanted this without question for the past 6-9 months and I feel oddly apathetic. It's unnerving and sad. Each time I leave the US for an extended period of time I inevitably ask myself a series of questions and begin to see my lifestyle against a new background. I look at things and know they won't be an option in a few months but again, this is the beauty (for lack of a better word) of travel for me, of exploring a new culture-Finding something new to love or realizing what I had before was all I needed despite my doubt.

Anais Nin stated, "The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle." So I hope that in looking ahead and moving forward I'll catch that dream and carry it alongside.

Writer's Block

I started working on my essay an hour ago and there's really no indication of progress. In fact, I think if a negative word count applied, this would be the perfect context. I'm working on writing my essay for teaching English in Korea and it's going no wheres. In fact, it hasn't been going anywhere the past 3 or 4 times I've attempted to write something. One would surmise that if the task is not going so well, maybe I should really question my intent/interest for wanting to teach English in Korea. Maybe the fact that I cannot find the words to answer the question is, in and of itself, my answer.

But it's not the answer. The past few weeks have been filled with a lot of thought revolving around where I want to take the next few months - where do I want to go? What do I want to do? With whom? They're common enough questions with hard to find answers that not even a sober evening at home with Sigur Ros offered inspiration. Somewhere though I've found motivation to move on, to focus. Yes, shocking. I hope you're still sitting steady.

So I end this here and move on to read, 'On Leaving Bachelorhood' - a short piece suggested by the instructor of the non-fiction writing class I'm taking. Week 2 is Wednesday. Let's see what I can find amongst the recommended reading and a few musings of my own.

A photo op

I don't even know/remember whom I sent this link out to. I think by now though, most whom I'm in contact with know I'm considering teaching English in Korea. Considering? I am going to go, eventually...I think. That is if agencies and recruiters and schools and well, the country in general remove their biases, stereotypes and pre-conceived notions of Asian-Americans. Or, as they're more specifically referred to as Korean-Americans or Gyopos. I admit I became defensive when I first heard the term; resentful even.

Referring to Korean-Americans as 'Gyopos' however isn't what's so upsetting to me, it's the application process I've become aware of since applying to teach English. Most jobs in Asia (I'm unsure about the rest of the world) request with your resume, a recent photo. I'm not sure why the issue isn't up for more debate, even if it is in the loosest of terms, racial-profiling. As some have told me, "If it were an American-based company, this would be grounds for discrimination." What's interesting is that people acknowledge this request for such application materials and it has an effect. Of the recruiters I've spoke with, about 5 or 6, all have informed me, "It's going to be difficult to place you." Cause for questioning identity? Slightly. Discouraging? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. As one recruiter informed me, "...We are highly influenced by Hollywood movie and American thus we have developed biased ideas." Is the film and entertainment industry really perpetuating these ideologies? I wouldn't say they're to blame but apparently they're not helping.

Don't judge a book by its cover? If only book's covers were removed, then we'd have to peer inside.