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Friday, January 28, 2011
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Daejeon or Gangwon?
I started this blog with the intention that it would help me organize my thoughts and experiences about living in NYC. Writing is cathartic for me and I don't devote the time I should. Maybe I thought that through writing about my day to week to month to year engagements in the city I would in turn find clarity and even possibly home. It's not that I haven't, it's more that in the search for this peace of mind place I'd like to call home, a need to travel exists. Without happiness we would not know sadness, good would know no evil and love is unfortunately paired with a certain type of pain. I must travel to the East to know the West and understand all the points in between. It's like the blip on a radar - I'm following it to a point in which it no longer blinks.
I got Korea. Yep, the whole country! Despite the discouragement conveyed in earlier posts, I spent the last month completing the application for public school teaching positions, interviewing, getting my documents ready and sending them to the government for review. I passed the interview stage which basically secures my position in a public school. I don't actually feel guaranteed a position despite the recruiter's assurance. Yet as all the cards point in the direction of Korea, I'm slowly coming around to the idea that come August, my daily commute to work will no longer consist of the L train and sights of the Chrysler Building from my apartment window will be replaced. I should have more details and confirmation in a week or two about where I'll live.
It's strange. I've wanted this without question for the past 6-9 months and I feel oddly apathetic. It's unnerving and sad. Each time I leave the US for an extended period of time I inevitably ask myself a series of questions and begin to see my lifestyle against a new background. I look at things and know they won't be an option in a few months but again, this is the beauty (for lack of a better word) of travel for me, of exploring a new culture-Finding something new to love or realizing what I had before was all I needed despite my doubt.
Anais Nin stated, "The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle." So I hope that in looking ahead and moving forward I'll catch that dream and carry it alongside.
I got Korea. Yep, the whole country! Despite the discouragement conveyed in earlier posts, I spent the last month completing the application for public school teaching positions, interviewing, getting my documents ready and sending them to the government for review. I passed the interview stage which basically secures my position in a public school. I don't actually feel guaranteed a position despite the recruiter's assurance. Yet as all the cards point in the direction of Korea, I'm slowly coming around to the idea that come August, my daily commute to work will no longer consist of the L train and sights of the Chrysler Building from my apartment window will be replaced. I should have more details and confirmation in a week or two about where I'll live.
It's strange. I've wanted this without question for the past 6-9 months and I feel oddly apathetic. It's unnerving and sad. Each time I leave the US for an extended period of time I inevitably ask myself a series of questions and begin to see my lifestyle against a new background. I look at things and know they won't be an option in a few months but again, this is the beauty (for lack of a better word) of travel for me, of exploring a new culture-Finding something new to love or realizing what I had before was all I needed despite my doubt.
Anais Nin stated, "The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle." So I hope that in looking ahead and moving forward I'll catch that dream and carry it alongside.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A midnight train to Georgia...or Rochester!
I received an email on Thursday from a former teacher at KnPT - the school I taught at in Thailand - informing me a previous student resettled in Rochester, NY! I couldn't conceal my excitement as joys echoed from my corner of the office. Albeit I was at work, where I was supposed to be doing work things and not obsessively checking my gmail account for something to brighten my day in a sunless office space. Elephants could be flying, Obama could be parading down 7th Ave., the old idiom "it's raining cats and dogs" could be happening and I'd be oblivious to it all.
2 years ago today I returned to the US. 2 years! It's such a privileged statement to make, but I'm here 1 year longer than I anticipated. How did this happen? What have I to show for my 2 year sojourn in NYC? Please, someone, throw another question my way. I remember watching 12 straight hours of pop culture television after my return; my thirst for a western lifestyle was unnerving but I took advantage of this privilege as the significance of the word 'choice' had new meaning.
Buffalo, Chicago, D.C. - these cities are on the list where other students are reported to be resettling too...the list grows as does the number of applicants interested in applying. I admit, I cannot hide my concerns. After speaking to students about the advantages and disadvantages of resettlement, I am anxious about their adjustment. Granted my perspective is subjective, many of the students saw my upbringing as ideal. I won't deny it, it was in a lot of ways, however freedom does have its costs. I tried as best I could to convey freedom has no competition against an individual with refugee or asylum status, however we cannot be ignorant and uninformed citizens. Living in a free country means hard work must occur as we're all held responsible and accountable for good social change. Oh right, back to my student though...
For the sake of confidentiality, I spoke with Ree Lo Friday afternoon. Her group arrived mid-March and her comment to me was, "It's cold." When one's climate of comparison is the jungle north of Mae Hong Son, it is cold. Unbearable, I think. As she spoke, I sensed a longing for her home; a need for instant familiarity. I knew she was struggling. Her family owned a shop in the camp, her face constantly lit with curiosity and hope and now, a day's flight apart, here she was removed from everything she'd ever known. Yes, she had the choice to resettle and took it, yet apprehension can still prevail. Quitting a job with fabulous co-workers, leaving a relationship despite their endearing qualities, turning in a friend for their wrong-doings - though the context of one may be more significant than the other, they share similar qualities. We're hesitant creatures by nature whom deeply connect to the idea that what's familiar is comforting; saying goodbye to anything no matter how amiss it is can be difficult.
As we approached the end of our conversation, I wondered of her appearance now amidst the cold end of winter and on the premises of a new 'home' - was she just as curious and hopeful or had the bitter winds of Rochester hardened her youthful glow? Ree Lo ended our conversation by asking me if I could call later as they were on their way to the hospital. Why? I couldn't discern. I tried, but this is one thing technology, surprisingly (and thankfully), has not managed to detect - interpreting accurate emotion and affect.
Despite landing in the US and separation from her family, I believe Ree Lo will find her own way. Wherever that may be. Although it is unknown to them, she, and the rest of the KnPT students taught me a lot about choice and strength in the face of adversity. We all have choices to make and despite their unfathomable difficulty, we are capable and confident beings. As Mr. Henley expressed, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul...". So I think, go on, whatever choices you make today make them knowing you're moving in the right direction and embrace every opportunity. Sometimes the most challenging ones offer the most rewards.
2 years ago today I returned to the US. 2 years! It's such a privileged statement to make, but I'm here 1 year longer than I anticipated. How did this happen? What have I to show for my 2 year sojourn in NYC? Please, someone, throw another question my way. I remember watching 12 straight hours of pop culture television after my return; my thirst for a western lifestyle was unnerving but I took advantage of this privilege as the significance of the word 'choice' had new meaning.
Buffalo, Chicago, D.C. - these cities are on the list where other students are reported to be resettling too...the list grows as does the number of applicants interested in applying. I admit, I cannot hide my concerns. After speaking to students about the advantages and disadvantages of resettlement, I am anxious about their adjustment. Granted my perspective is subjective, many of the students saw my upbringing as ideal. I won't deny it, it was in a lot of ways, however freedom does have its costs. I tried as best I could to convey freedom has no competition against an individual with refugee or asylum status, however we cannot be ignorant and uninformed citizens. Living in a free country means hard work must occur as we're all held responsible and accountable for good social change. Oh right, back to my student though...
For the sake of confidentiality, I spoke with Ree Lo Friday afternoon. Her group arrived mid-March and her comment to me was, "It's cold." When one's climate of comparison is the jungle north of Mae Hong Son, it is cold. Unbearable, I think. As she spoke, I sensed a longing for her home; a need for instant familiarity. I knew she was struggling. Her family owned a shop in the camp, her face constantly lit with curiosity and hope and now, a day's flight apart, here she was removed from everything she'd ever known. Yes, she had the choice to resettle and took it, yet apprehension can still prevail. Quitting a job with fabulous co-workers, leaving a relationship despite their endearing qualities, turning in a friend for their wrong-doings - though the context of one may be more significant than the other, they share similar qualities. We're hesitant creatures by nature whom deeply connect to the idea that what's familiar is comforting; saying goodbye to anything no matter how amiss it is can be difficult.
As we approached the end of our conversation, I wondered of her appearance now amidst the cold end of winter and on the premises of a new 'home' - was she just as curious and hopeful or had the bitter winds of Rochester hardened her youthful glow? Ree Lo ended our conversation by asking me if I could call later as they were on their way to the hospital. Why? I couldn't discern. I tried, but this is one thing technology, surprisingly (and thankfully), has not managed to detect - interpreting accurate emotion and affect.
Despite landing in the US and separation from her family, I believe Ree Lo will find her own way. Wherever that may be. Although it is unknown to them, she, and the rest of the KnPT students taught me a lot about choice and strength in the face of adversity. We all have choices to make and despite their unfathomable difficulty, we are capable and confident beings. As Mr. Henley expressed, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul...". So I think, go on, whatever choices you make today make them knowing you're moving in the right direction and embrace every opportunity. Sometimes the most challenging ones offer the most rewards.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Writer's Block
I started working on my essay an hour ago and there's really no indication of progress. In fact, I think if a negative word count applied, this would be the perfect context. I'm working on writing my essay for teaching English in Korea and it's going no wheres. In fact, it hasn't been going anywhere the past 3 or 4 times I've attempted to write something. One would surmise that if the task is not going so well, maybe I should really question my intent/interest for wanting to teach English in Korea. Maybe the fact that I cannot find the words to answer the question is, in and of itself, my answer.
But it's not the answer. The past few weeks have been filled with a lot of thought revolving around where I want to take the next few months - where do I want to go? What do I want to do? With whom? They're common enough questions with hard to find answers that not even a sober evening at home with Sigur Ros offered inspiration. Somewhere though I've found motivation to move on, to focus. Yes, shocking. I hope you're still sitting steady.
So I end this here and move on to read, 'On Leaving Bachelorhood' - a short piece suggested by the instructor of the non-fiction writing class I'm taking. Week 2 is Wednesday. Let's see what I can find amongst the recommended reading and a few musings of my own.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A photo op
I don't even know/remember whom I sent this link out to. I think by now though, most whom I'm in contact with know I'm considering teaching English in Korea. Considering? I am going to go, eventually...I think. That is if agencies and recruiters and schools and well, the country in general remove their biases, stereotypes and pre-conceived notions of Asian-Americans. Or, as they're more specifically referred to as Korean-Americans or Gyopos. I admit I became defensive when I first heard the term; resentful even.
Referring to Korean-Americans as 'Gyopos' however isn't what's so upsetting to me, it's the application process I've become aware of since applying to teach English. Most jobs in Asia (I'm unsure about the rest of the world) request with your resume, a recent photo. I'm not sure why the issue isn't up for more debate, even if it is in the loosest of terms, racial-profiling. As some have told me, "If it were an American-based company, this would be grounds for discrimination." What's interesting is that people acknowledge this request for such application materials and it has an effect. Of the recruiters I've spoke with, about 5 or 6, all have informed me, "It's going to be difficult to place you." Cause for questioning identity? Slightly. Discouraging? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. As one recruiter informed me, "...We are highly influenced by Hollywood movie and American thus we have developed biased ideas." Is the film and entertainment industry really perpetuating these ideologies? I wouldn't say they're to blame but apparently they're not helping.
Don't judge a book by its cover? If only book's covers were removed, then we'd have to peer inside.
Referring to Korean-Americans as 'Gyopos' however isn't what's so upsetting to me, it's the application process I've become aware of since applying to teach English. Most jobs in Asia (I'm unsure about the rest of the world) request with your resume, a recent photo. I'm not sure why the issue isn't up for more debate, even if it is in the loosest of terms, racial-profiling. As some have told me, "If it were an American-based company, this would be grounds for discrimination." What's interesting is that people acknowledge this request for such application materials and it has an effect. Of the recruiters I've spoke with, about 5 or 6, all have informed me, "It's going to be difficult to place you." Cause for questioning identity? Slightly. Discouraging? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. As one recruiter informed me, "...We are highly influenced by Hollywood movie and American thus we have developed biased ideas." Is the film and entertainment industry really perpetuating these ideologies? I wouldn't say they're to blame but apparently they're not helping.
Don't judge a book by its cover? If only book's covers were removed, then we'd have to peer inside.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Verbose does the job? Nay!
January 20th marked the inauguration of our 44th President of the USA. What a day.
It's hard to find the right words that capture the essence of the day's events...perhaps words don't really do it justice as sometimes things are better left unspoken and best interpreted through observation. Too many words can mar a scene, a moment, an event...and that's coming from someone who believes writing and literature can be used as an analogy to explain life; breathing is to living, as reading and words give our body its soul.
I imagine other countries, children, adults and elders who've never experienced democracy, the right to vote, freedom of speech or whom lack an identification card and it weighs heavy as a responsibility. According to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, all individuals are free and equal...yet with all the violations occurring in OPT, the dearth of health services in Zimbabwe and the lack of international attention for the refugees in Thailand and Bhutan...it's challenging to recognize.
This past Tuesday helped revive any lost hope. As pessimistic as some may be, I think we all saw a sliver of a silver lining then. Facing these global strifes will not be easy, but at least we're reassured through someone whose vision is not obstructed and whose attitude and ethos can be expressed in 3 simple words: Yes We Can.
It's hard to find the right words that capture the essence of the day's events...perhaps words don't really do it justice as sometimes things are better left unspoken and best interpreted through observation. Too many words can mar a scene, a moment, an event...and that's coming from someone who believes writing and literature can be used as an analogy to explain life; breathing is to living, as reading and words give our body its soul.
I imagine other countries, children, adults and elders who've never experienced democracy, the right to vote, freedom of speech or whom lack an identification card and it weighs heavy as a responsibility. According to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, all individuals are free and equal...yet with all the violations occurring in OPT, the dearth of health services in Zimbabwe and the lack of international attention for the refugees in Thailand and Bhutan...it's challenging to recognize.
This past Tuesday helped revive any lost hope. As pessimistic as some may be, I think we all saw a sliver of a silver lining then. Facing these global strifes will not be easy, but at least we're reassured through someone whose vision is not obstructed and whose attitude and ethos can be expressed in 3 simple words: Yes We Can.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
D: it is written
A friend recently reminded me I had this blog. Weird. Had I forgotten? How did this happen? Should I be surprised? The 1 answer I have to the latter questions is: No.
I started this blog over a year ago as a record of my temporary time in the city. I say 'temporary' because given my previous track record, temporary reflects my amount of time spent in new places since graduating from college. I will say though, I've lived in no other place where time can consistently reinforce your age. I feel I'm constantly remarking how quickly the days pass, or how I must do this before I'm too old. In general though, the pace of life is an innocuous reminder of how there's so much to do and so little time.
I am not a list-maker. My mom was one and though I love her dearly, I vouched to myself that I would not follow suit. I am inspired by randomness, change, challenges and the unknown - making a list would seem the antithesis of 3 out of 4. However this weekend in an attempt to maximize my 4 days off and address my New Years resolution(s) (still in the making, never to be confirmed), I made a list. Item number 2 (no particular order) was to watch Slumdog Millionaire - mission accomplished. It's the 4th movie theater I've visited in the past 17 months and while I didn't know what to expect, I hoped to walk away with motivation brimming from my black/gray/white knit gloves with a hole at the tip of the middle finger.
I found the story beautifully written and the perfect movie for a new year. Although not everyone aspires to find wealth, a life-long partner or a chance to appear on television/reality-tv, Slumdog Millionaire certainly inspired me. It instilled a lost passion and a reminder that no matter your destiny in life (sorry, aspirations to be the first individual to grow coffee beans in space, live in an underwater seaworld drinking cabernet sauvignon, eating grapes, brie and reading the likes of Gunter Grass and convert me back to meat-ism do not really qualify...), there'll always be opportunity to find it so long as your eyes remain open.
Given the strained economy and people's moods in relation to this global financial crisis are marked with despondence, this film can certainly lift one's spirits. If only temporary. And as Alfred Lord Tennyson stated, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I presume the idea is about people and love, however in the context of this message, whether it's people or a career, find something you love and fill yourself with so much of it that you lose your breath at its beauty.
A bientot.
I started this blog over a year ago as a record of my temporary time in the city. I say 'temporary' because given my previous track record, temporary reflects my amount of time spent in new places since graduating from college. I will say though, I've lived in no other place where time can consistently reinforce your age. I feel I'm constantly remarking how quickly the days pass, or how I must do this before I'm too old. In general though, the pace of life is an innocuous reminder of how there's so much to do and so little time.
I am not a list-maker. My mom was one and though I love her dearly, I vouched to myself that I would not follow suit. I am inspired by randomness, change, challenges and the unknown - making a list would seem the antithesis of 3 out of 4. However this weekend in an attempt to maximize my 4 days off and address my New Years resolution(s) (still in the making, never to be confirmed), I made a list. Item number 2 (no particular order) was to watch Slumdog Millionaire - mission accomplished. It's the 4th movie theater I've visited in the past 17 months and while I didn't know what to expect, I hoped to walk away with motivation brimming from my black/gray/white knit gloves with a hole at the tip of the middle finger.
I found the story beautifully written and the perfect movie for a new year. Although not everyone aspires to find wealth, a life-long partner or a chance to appear on television/reality-tv, Slumdog Millionaire certainly inspired me. It instilled a lost passion and a reminder that no matter your destiny in life (sorry, aspirations to be the first individual to grow coffee beans in space, live in an underwater seaworld drinking cabernet sauvignon, eating grapes, brie and reading the likes of Gunter Grass and convert me back to meat-ism do not really qualify...), there'll always be opportunity to find it so long as your eyes remain open.
Given the strained economy and people's moods in relation to this global financial crisis are marked with despondence, this film can certainly lift one's spirits. If only temporary. And as Alfred Lord Tennyson stated, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I presume the idea is about people and love, however in the context of this message, whether it's people or a career, find something you love and fill yourself with so much of it that you lose your breath at its beauty.
A bientot.
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